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How to Start a Conversation With a Girl

By on July 10, 2014

At one point or another, every man has been in this situation: he sees a very attractive girl, but doesn’t know how to talk to her. He spends the whole day/night watching her from across the room, looking as she smiles and flaunts her hourglass figure. He wishes he could say something- just one little word- to this beauty, but he doesn’t know what to say. Some would call this torture, others would call it being shy and unlucky. What do I call it? A lack of confidence and simply not knowing what to say. I’m here to help. I’m here to give you the breakdown on how to start a conversation with a girl!


1. They Key: Confidence

Let me tell you guys something: there is nothing, nothing more attractive than confidence. We are drawn to confidence, all of us- not just women. And trust me, we can always tell when someone is lacking confidence. Their voice sounds shaky, they fidget a lot. And while it can be kind of cute in some situations, it’s almost always looked at as an adorable friend trait rather than a manly trait we’d like to have in our bedroom. Once again, the key to starting a conversation with a girl is to have confidence.


  • What happens if you’re lacking confidence? You know the phrase “flaunt it ’til you got it”, and I couldn’t agree more with this statement. Even if you feel like the most feeble sheep in the room, fake being confident to get the real.
  • Just how can you fake confidence? Keep your back straight, whether you’re standing or sitting. Wear a smile on your face (not a creepy overboard one or an obvious fake one). Walk- or should i say stride- with confidence. Know your worth. Are you good at basketball? Can you bake a cake like Martha Stewart? Own it and grow from it. Last but not least, make people focus on your good qualities. Have nice eyes but not crazy about your nose? Try to make eye contact as much as possible and keep your face in a flattering direction as much as possible.
  • When you do finally talk to this girl, make sure your voice isn’t weak. But don’t be overly loud. Talk with confidence- in an easy to hear and understand tone, and try to avoid stuttering your words or saying inappropriate things out of nervousness.

2. Huge Piece to the Puzzle: Funny Personality

Ok, so I hope I drilled it in your head how utterly important it is to have confidence. Now I’m going to tell you the second biggest piece of the puzzle: a funny personality. When you can make a girl laugh at a moments notice, you instantly become one hundred times more attractive. It’s so important to show you have a fun and witty personality right off the bat, and you can achieve this without even talking to her.

  • Smile at her! This shows you have a fun personality. Have you ever seen an unhappy person randomly smile at you from across the room? Very unlikely. A smile that is warm and inviting will definitely catch her attention.
  • When you do finally talk, try to make a funny comment or a joke. Make sure that it is NOT inappropriate in any way, as this can be a very big turn off to women.
  • Try not to be overly silly. You may come across as immature and that’s another thing that’s not on a lady’s checklist for perfect boyfriend.

3. A Smile Goes a LONG Way

There is nothing that says “I like you” quite like a smile. If you want to get her attention while also letting her know you’re interested, try to smile at her as much as possible. Not in a weird or creepy way, but in a warm, friendly, and inviting way that lets her know you like what you see.

4. Eye Contact

Making eye contact from across the room lets her know that you’re checking her out, and you might make your way over there soon. Eye contact is also an excellent way to show you have confidence, and she will naturally be attracted to that. When the two of your eyes meet, don’t forget to flash her a flirty smile either. Together they work as a flirty powerhouse that will intrigue her like no other.

5. KISS: Keep It Simple Stupid

Have you ever watched ‘The Office’? Then you probably remember the episode where Michael Scott tells Dwight Schrute to KISS, or ‘Keep It Simple Stupid’- and I couldn’t help but think it is the perfect phrase for this occasion. That being said, remember that you don’t need to come up with a speech to perform when you muster up the courage to talk to this special lady. Keep it simple. Here are a couple of wonderful ideas you might want to try:

  • Go for the incredibly basic: “Hi, how are you? My name is (John?), and you are?” This opens up the conversation in an incredibly easy way.
  • You could enter the convo with a FUNNY pickup line. Let me put emphasis on funny one more time. Please do not tell this woman “There’s a party in my pants and you’re invited”. We’re thinking more on the lines of, “Are you religious? Because you’re the answer to all my prayers”. This one is sweet, silly, and will definitely put a smile on her face.
  • You could go old fashioned with a nice compliment such as, “You have a beautiful smile. What’s your name?”
  • You could also try something really easy like the good old fashioned “Is anyone sitting here?”

6. Start with Small Talk

You’ve introduced yourself. Great! That’s obviously a wonderful start, and if she’s smiled and is delighted to meet you, I’m sure you know what’s coming next: the small talk. There’s so many ideas when it comes to small talk, but here are a few to get you started.

  • Talk about the weather. “How are you liking this odd 100+ degree weather?” “Are you as bad as driving in the snow as I am?”
  • Talk about work. “Where do you work?” “Do you like where you work, or are you thinking about something else for your future?”
  • Talk about hobbies. “What’s your favorite thing to do on the weekend?” “What’s the one thing you think you’re great at?”

7. Pop Culture

When you’ve ran out of the basic small talk topics, you’ll need something else to move onto. But you obviously don’t want to talk about something that’s incredibly obscure or something she probably won’t be interested in. So let’s turn to pop culture. Talk about a movie you’ve recently seen or mention something that’s happened in the news lately. Ask her what her favorite music is or who her favorite actress of all time is. Just keep the conversation going!

8. Ask Her Questions

After the conversations started up and you’re on a roll, it’s time to bust out a few questions that aren’t so ‘small talky’.

  • REFRAIN FROM ASKING YES OR NO QUESTIONS. This will probably turn into awkward silence and that’s what you’re trying to avoid.
  • Ask her something fun, for instance if she would ever want to go scuba diving or sky diving.
  • Ask her something intriguing, like what her goals in life are.
  • Ask her something personal, like when her last relationship was.

9. Be Engaged in the Conversation

We’ve talked a lot about how to introduce yourself and what things to talk about. But let’s take a step back for a second to talk about something that is extremely important: body language. It is so very important to have proper body language when talking to a new woman. This could seriously make or break the entire conversation, so pay close attention to what you are doing while talking.

  • Always make eye contact often. I don’t mean stare at her like a deer in headlights, as this will obviously chase her off in a quick minute. I simply mean to make sure your eyes meet regularly, I’d say throughout at least 70-80% of the conversation.
  • Smile at her often. This tells her you’re enjoying the conversation and listening to what she has to say.
  • Lean into her, not away from her- for obvious reasons. Leaning in shows you’re trying to listen and you’re engaged in the convo while leaning away shows absolute disinterest.

10. Try to Find Common Interests

When you’re talking with someone and you find something that you’re both interested in, you naturally make a great connection. You might have already found something you both love from previous conversation- maybe she loves sky diving and you do too, and you’re suddenly planning a romantic sky diving adventure next weekend. But if you didn’t strike lucky as quickly as you’d like, it’s time to dig a bit deeper.

  • You can flat out ask her if she is interested in something you like. For instance, if you’re a huge football fan, feel free to ask her if she just so happened to catch the Superbowl or if she’s interested in any sports whatsoever.
  • When a song you love comes on the radio, ask her if she’s interested in this song or if she likes the genre.
  • Try to find a common interest by telling her about something you’ve done recently, like attending a concert or going horseback riding.
  • Ask her about what some of her favorite things are, or simply ask what things she is interested in. As she’s going down the list, try to find something the two of you share!

11. Compliment Her

Men, I really can’t tell you enough. Ladies love to be complimented- on just about anything, all the time. During your conversation, try to throw in a compliment every now and then. It could be something sweet like, “By the way, I just have to tell you, you have a stunning smile”, or you could tell her during a convo, “Wow, you like rock and roll too? I knew you were beautiful but I didn’t know you were totally awesome too!”. Little things like that are guaranteed to drive her wild and you’re sure to get a giggle out of it.

12. Always Listen

So you know a woman loves to be complimented, but do you know what else a woman loves? A man that actually listens. Pay very close attention to her words. I don’t know why, but we can always tell when someone is not listening to just pretending to listen while they are really watching the football game out of the corner of their eye. Listen- and let her know you’re listening by keeping eye contact and putting in some input every now and then.

13. Ask About Friends

Let’s say you saw this pretty gal speaking with one of your friends earlier in class that day. Why not make that into a conversation? Say something like this: “Hey, I saw you talking with Steve earlier. Are you friends with him?” At this point she will either say, “No, just giving him the homework from yesterday” in which case that conversation will end, or she might say “Yeah, I’ve known him for years, he is my neighbor!” in which case you’ll have tons to talk about (tell her about the two of you going on that wild adventure in Mexico last summer- she will get a kick out of it!)

14. Don’t Say Anything Stupid

You’re probably thinking something along the lines of, “Yeah, easier said than done.” But really, it’s rather basic.

  • Don’t say anything offensive- and you know what offends a female.
  • Try not to mention any controversial topics right off the bat such as religion.
  • Refrain from the dirty jokes and comments. Most girls don’t like that.

15. Ask Her Out

If the conversation is going smoothly, then you have an invitation to ask her out- or at least get her number. End the conversation with something like, “Well, unfortunately I have to go but I’ve really loved talking to you. Maybe I could get your number and call you sometime?” or, “Let’s get a drink next weekend.” It’s totally up to you- but don’t miss your chance!


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