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I Hate My Ex-Girlfriend. How do I Deal With It?

By on January 13, 2015

After a breakup, it can be traumatic just to talk to your ex-girlfriend. Guys are supposed to be stoic and uncaring, but that can be impossible to do. Days or weeks ago, you were an “us”. In just a short space of time, you have stopped being a couple. It may seem like nothing to the rest of the world, but a bomb just exploded in your life and you are still feeling all of the repercussions.

Once the breakup is over with, you may feel a range of feelings. You may feel angry, depressed, confused or hurt. It is extremely common to hate your ex-girlfriend following a breakup. These emotions are normal and can feel overwhelming at time. Unfortunately, there are no fast and simple steps for recovering. You have to work through your feelings, and it will take time. Psychologists have actually released studies of the mind following a breakup. According to MRI scans, the brain looks the same following a serious breakup as it does during certain mental disorders. What this means is that you may feel temporarily insane. Fortunately, you have the chance to work through these feelings. Over time, you can recover and go back to normal life. At some point, you may even stop hating your ex-girlfriend.

Accept the Breakup

The first thing that you need to do is learn how to accept the breakup. Whether you want it to be or not, the relationship is over. If you remain stuck on the past, it will prevent you from reaching toward the future. You cannot delay letting go of the relationship. She is no longer a part of your life, and you must learn how to accept that. You must seek closure by ending the relationship formally. It may seem like “friends with benefits” is the best thing to do, but this will only delay your closure. Accept where you are in the relationship and move on.


Learn to Grief

Before you can really move on, you may need to take some time to grief. A relationship can be like a death in the family. You need to grief your loss fully before you can fully accept it. Use a friend, a journal or an intense set of workouts to grieve your loss. Even a quiet walk can help you to grieve the end of your relationship. Having emotions does not make you less of a man. Future girlfriends will even like the fact that you have feelings and can relate to them.

Understand Why it Ended

Every relationship is different. Although there are common reasons that a relationship ends like cheating, your relationship may be over for a different reason. You have a chance to learn from your mistakes before you get into another relationship. Stop trying to rethink your choices or what you could have done different. All that you could have done differently is learn for your future relationship. Learn from your mistakes and move on.

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Create New Goals

After ending a relationship, you will have a humongous hole in your life. Your girlfriend took up time that you used to have for other activities. Instead of just sitting at home in the evenings, resume your old hobbies. Set new goals, find new pastimes and hang out with friends. You need to get back to living your life.

Get Rid of Old Things

If you hate your ex-girlfriend, nothing will make a breakup more difficult than having to see her old things. Get rid of the gifts that she gave you or the clothes. Anything that is left from her is just a reminder of what you were. If she will not take her things or gifts back, burn them. A nice bonfire is a great way to cleanse your soul of everything that you have lost.

Treat Yourself

You used to spend money and time on your girlfriend. Right now, you have extra money that can be used to treat yourself. Take this time period to treat yourself to a sports game, new shirt or haircut. You deserve it.

Find Positive People

Over time, couples often develop “couple” friends. Instead of spending your time with Jane and John, you need to find new friends. Search out friends that are positive, happy people. These people will help to lift your mind from the trouble of your last relationship. Focusing on the positive will help you to refocus your life.


If nothing else seems to work, spend some time helping other people. You have a chance to make a difference in your life and the life of other people. Even better, you could meet a new girlfriend. Although it may take time, any girl that you meet in a volunteer setting will be a good one. Volunteering is a great way to meet people who actually care about the world.

Remember the Problems

Sometimes, it can be difficult to remember the negatives of a relationship. After a breakup, you may focus on the positives of being with your girlfriend. This self-defeating type of thought will only lead to sadness. For you to really get over her, you need to focus on what was wrong with the relationship. You left for a reason, and you need to remember that reason.

Count Your Blessings

After a relationship has ended, it can seem impossible to focus on the positive. Enveloped in depression, you may not be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. If you want to change this situation, you have to consciously choose to focus on the positives. There are many blessings in your life that you take for granted. Right now is the time to appreciate the positives and ignore the negatives. Over time, it will become easier to count your blessings.

Formalize it With a Farewell Ritual

You can make your life easier by creating a farewell ritual. Sometimes, your ex-girlfriend just leaves. You are left alone without an understanding of everything that has passed. To get closure, you need to create a ritual of your own. Burn her old items, toss out letters or send her a formal “good-bye” letter. Whatever you do, it should make sure that it is your personal way to say good-bye.

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